Eckman Declares Moral Bankruptcy

Eckman Engineering has been scandal-ridden as far back as the first Gulf War. Remember when it came out that Eckman had been awarded a no-bid Iraqi oil contract by the U.S. government back in 2003, thanks to the machinations of his brother-in-law, our indefatigably-corrupt secretary of defense? And when the company was subsequently found to have fleeced American taxpayers out of millions of dollars by overcharging for said fuel and pocketing the profits? In actual fact, those charges are just the tip of the iceberg. And it might surprise you to know that Eckman is still operating in Iraq to this very day. Employing cost-cutting measures like allowing U.S. soldiers to bathe in contaminated, unfiltered water from the disgusting Euphrates River, resulting in diarrhea, dysentery and typhoid. And just when you think a company is scraping the absolute bottom of the morality barrel, it turns out the reason that Alexander Eckman, one of the nation’s most eligible CEO’s, is a confirmed bachelor is because he prefers the company of young boys.

The fact that Eckman had no family, no dependents to speak of, made this one a little easier for me to swallow. Fittingly, I caught him with his pants down. Literally. In the upstairs bathroom of his palatial estate. The brittle-boned, old pedophile didn’t put up much of a fight, I never even had to draw my gun. No, in that moment, I devised a much more fitting end for the war profiteering monster: I drowned him in his own toilet. If sewer water was good enough the brave men and women of our United States Armed Forces, it was good enough for Eckman.

Then, just like Boucher, I disposed of Eckman’s body and covered my tracks. And the sad coda to this story? No one realized he was missing for a week and a half. No one even cared enough to look. Eckman’s final resting place may never be found, but it does my heart good to know that after this death announcement, those poor, defiled children can dance on his metaphorical grave.

Fury of Solace